Today's Thoughts

 

My last blog generated a couple interesting replies both on the blog-page and in personal emails I�ve received.  Just to be clear, at this time I�ve decided not to have pan-cancer testing done.  There are a few confusing things about this testing that I didn�t blog about, but the bottom line is that for right now, I�ve decided that I don�t want to know if I have a resistant tumor type.  I understand from replies and emails that a couple of friends would choose a different action�and I am very respectful.  For me�I�ve met with some pretty damn smart and experienced lung cancer specialists who have encouraged me to wait on this testing. Plus, if I have a resistant tumor, for now I like the thought that I�m trying to fight it.  It�s terrifying to me to think what I might do if I learn I have a resistant type�throw in the towel?  I have my second chemo session this coming Thursday, and a couple weeks after that, I will be re-scanned to see if the chemo regiment I�m on is working, or not.  (I�m terrified of that, too.)  Fortunately for those of us with lung cancer, if the first line chemotherapies don�t work, there are other drugs to try. 

I gather that a couple of you are thinking that I need to have conversations about my plans if things don�t go as I hope they will.  Rest assured, Wynn and I have; we are both hopeful realists.  We know there is no cure for me.  For right now, he and I are focusing our hopes and energies on trying to find a treatment that will work for me to get more time together, with Nathan and Nina, our families and friends.  I am very comfortable with this position for now since I was only diagnosed 4 weeks ago.  As I continue on this unexpected journey, that may change.  Wynn and I have talked about the need to continually assess and re-assess. So talk of plans for palliative care, etc. are being deferred until a later time because we are choosing to be hopeful. 


 About the wig:   I re-scheduled my hair buzzing and wig pick-up appointment to next Saturday.  Soon after my head started to tingle, it stopped and it hasn�t progressed to aching yet.  So far, my hair hasn�t starting falling out faster than usual � so I decided to eek out another week with my own hair. 

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